Between You and Me...

 Recently, during  a casual mom & dot banter, we were just taking stock of the 'trusted adults' in our circle. The dot pipes in, 

"Amma, I really like XYZ aunty but don't really feel fully comfortable with Uncle XYZ". 

I say okay and wait...

"...Amma, it's not that he has ever given me cause feel uncomfortable...it is just that I somehow don't feel fully okay..."

She paused, I could sense the small glimmer of 'self doubt' in her own judgement. But I wait. It comes.

"Amma, am I wrong? Is it okay if I don't feel comfortable about someone who has not given me any reason to feel so..."

Listen child...It is perfectly okay. Remember, you never, ever have to explain yourself for not feeling comfortable about someone or something. Trust your instinct & stay away. You have every right to say, I do not like this and move away...always. Never allow anyone to compel you into validating why you feel something or someone is not right. Not now, not ever. And, that someone can be anyone, be it your close of kin, a teacher, your parent's trusted ally...whosoever. 

PS: Was reminded of this conversation in the light of the ongoing Chennai Schools abuse issue...especially a survivor who recounted her harrowing experience. What struck her more than the incident was the fact that her parents did not stand up for her. 

Start young. Look your children in the eye and tell them you are there for them, no matter what! Talk to your kids. Yes, both girl kids & boy kids. Teach them it's okay to say 'No' without guilt.

Random...

Are you someone who confuses 'Empathy' with 'Sympathy' too? I am someone who has worked hard at making myself understand the difference between the two...I don't always succeed but I try. Where am I going with this? Wait a bit... Those of us in Kerala recently woke up to the news of a young lady Banker who commited suicide within her workplace. People speculated as is usual. The debates took a new turn when a note penned by a senior representative of a Bank Employees Union spoke about increasing work stress and a new,target oriented work culture that was evolving within the banking sector. Soon, the note became 'viral' thanks to social media. As is always the case, when one view point gets popular, someone twiddling her/ his thumb over a smartphone elsewhere thinks up an opposing view point. 'We work to live and not the other way round. Every work has its associated work pressure, if one cannot handle that then one should be considered a misfit'...and so and so forth went the 'opinion'. This, somehow, reminded me of an incident that happened in my life when the 'Me too' movement had just started and people were shooting opinions both for and against. Someone close to me, whatsapped a personal forward. It was an opinion piece by a super senior lady doctor, born into a previleged family (upper class plus moneyed, deadly combination and protective factor). She had claimed that the 'Me too' movement was a farce propogated by women who used their sex to get favours and then when the time was right, called foul. She went onto state that she, during her 'illustrious' career never had to face unwanted advances from her male colleagues. She further claimed, it is totally the woman's charector that determines if she is subject to unwanted male advance. I went ballistic reading this. Now, the parallel I see in these two seemingly unconnected incidents is this. Both, the senior lady doctor as well as the person who declared if you cant take the stress, leave the job, speak from the same platform. That protected, hoodwinked platform that does not realise 'Choice' is not a luxury available to all. It is the same when you look at someone who stays in an abusive relationship and proclaim, 'If it were I, I would've walked out'. That is exactly the point. That person is Not you. Neither is that lady Bank Manager who passed on. Neither are the countless women who kept quiet for years before they found their voice. Just remembered this quote by an anonymous author, I'd read a while ago, "You know my name, not my story. You've heard what I've done, not what I've been through..."